I've come across some really beautiful passages -- and some pretty awful ones. I thought it might be fun to record examples of each. Please note: just because a writer appears on the Wall of Shame, that doesn't mean that I think all (or even a small percentage) of their writing is awful; it just means that I found that one particular excerpt an example of what I personally consider bad writing. I've explained why I think it's bad. You might disagree. I personally find it comforting to think that even some of the most renowned writers still occasionally write poorly; it helps quiet down my inner critic so I can "just write."
Wall of Fame
- "The whole restless mob of us on spread blankets in the dreamy briny sunshine skylarking and chiacking about... Yachts run before an unfelt gust with bagnecked pelicans riding above them... The gone and taken are with them in the shade pools of the peppermints by the beautiful, the beautiful the river. And even now, one of the here is leaving... The silver-skinned river." - Tim Winton, Cloudstreet
- Imagery done well. Unique, careful word choices (and order) bring each part into focus until you're standing on the riverbank in Perth, smelling, tasting, seeing, hearing, touching, feeling... This is the kind of writing I like to read slowly, savoring it like dark chocolate. (I can actually feel it in my mouth; it begs to be read out loud.)
- "insert quote here"
Wall of Shame
- "The sky was a cold iron-grey, like the underside of a shield." - J.K. Rowling, The Casual Vacancy
- This might have been an acceptable analogy in Harry Potter. At least the characters in that book were exposed to suits of armor (including, presumably, shields). However, neither the characters nor the modern-day readers of The Casual Vacancy have any idea what color the underside of a shield is -- most of us don't even know what color the overside of a shield is! And yet most of us understand "iron-grey." The simile adds nothing and actually detracts from the imagery as it brings to mind castles and knights and all kinds of things that don't belong in Pagford.
- "A point of exclamation marks that sky
In ringing orange like a stellar carrot." - Sylvia Plath, "Departure of the Ghost (The Ghost's Leavetaking)," from The Colossus and Other Poems
- I must confess that Sylvia Plath is not one of my favorite poets -- especially her early work. In "Departure of the Ghost, " she's writing about dawn, and so the first line and a half of this couplet would seem to indicate the sun. And then... carrot. Combined with "point of exclamation" (and emphasized by the following line, which describes its round "period"), my mind envisions a carrot floating in the sky. It's absurd. The imagery doesn't match the surrounding imagery at all. This simile stands out given the heavy layering of mythic and religious references throughout the rest of the poem. The emotions it invokes do not match the seriousness of the piece, either. Unless there's some symbolism I'm completely overlooking, the carrot was chosen for its color without considering the shape. (Even over water, a sunrise doesn't look like a carrot. It just doesn't.)
- "next example"
